crocodile tears

Its been sitting like a dead weight at the bottom of my stomach for two days, with that periodic sense of dreaded realization: Oh no. Not him. Not now. Not so young. But I wasn't brought to tears until just a few minutes ago, when I saw the cartoon in this mornings paper of a group of sad crocodiles in a pond, commiserating, "Crikey, I miss him!"

That just did it for me.

Steve, I wonder if you'd have any idea how many people around the world are crying for you?

This wasn't supposed to be. Not even close. I have imagined Steve leaving home some days in the past, leaving Terry and kids for his latest adventure, filming sting rays. Not particularly risky business, especially compared to some of the more precarious positions he sometimes found himself in. Relatively safe, swimming around the rays. Hell, even if he were to get stung, sting ray stings are rarely fatal. Rarely. That is, unless, the barb happens by some fluke of fate to find its way directly into one's heart, which is what happened to Steve.

I bet Terry wasn't even worried when he left home that day (I'm assuming she wasn't with him when this happened.) I can imagine many other instances where she might be fearful of an accident, some misstep on his or somebody else's part. Bitten by one of those deadly snakes or caught in the jaws of a croc. But imagine her shock and disbelief when she got the call "there's been an accident..." how could this be?

OK, I'm projecting here, I know, but I bet I'm not far off. This was not a case of "well it was bound to happen sooner or later" like some people might be inclined to dismiss it. This was a totally freak accident. The fact that it happened while he was "doing what he loved" did not make it any less so. The chances of him getting killed by that ray were far, far less than the chances of him getting hit by a car, walking down the street. Or keeling over from a heart attack. Or attacked by the family dog.

Now if you belive in gods and spirits and heaven and all that sort of stuff, you might wonder: was this beautiful man simply and decisively plucked from earth at this young age to inhabit some special heaven? Maybe the same place as inhabited by JFK Jr., Diana Spencer, and so many other much-too-young and beautiful people who had so much good left to give to the world. I wonder if that particular heaven exists, if in fact god is cherry picking the most brilliant and compassionate of us away from this horrid place we live in, with plans to create a whole new beautiful world. In my most irrational mind, this is what I want to believe.

Steve Irwin, you left an indelible mark on this earth. You made - and will continue to make - the world a better place, both for people, through your infectious joy and enthusiasm; and for the creatures you loved and protected and educated us about. Terry Irwin, my thoughts and tears are with you today.

love,
Sandy