things I wish I had

I started this a week or so ago, thinking I'd finish it up later. There are tons more "things" but I'll post this for now, before they kick me off blogspot for inactivity.

Things I wish I had:

1. A maid. I abhor cleaning house. And I'm sorry to say sometimes I let my standards get pretty low. As we speak there's a ton of hair on the bathroom floor and dust bunnies everywhere else (I have hardwood floors) and i really should go get the vacuum out but instead I'm wasting time on the computer. If I could get rid of about half the clutter around here, I wouldn't mind it so much (cleaning, that is) but as it is, its a total pain in the ass. So.. where is it written that I do all (or almost all) the housework anyway, you ask? Good question. I guess it sort of evolved that way, seeing I don't work as many hours or bring home as much money as my husband. To his credit, he does pick up after himself, in fact is way neater than I am. And, he actually does all the laundry. But I don't think he's vacuumed or cleaned a toilet more than a handful of times in twenty years. I actually like doing the dishes - some primordial thing about having my hands in hot water - so I'm not complaining about that particular chore. But really, if I could rationalize the $$, I'd totally have someone come in, ideally once a week, to dust, clean the floors, and the bathrooms. I can deal with everything else.

2. A decent singing voice. I am viciously jealous of anyone who can hold a note. Including Bob Dylan, horrid as his actual voice may be, he can at least hold a note. I'm the only person I know who tried out for and was rejected from chorus in grade school, at that point the most humiliating experience of my life. I'd also love to be proficient at a musical instrument, preferably the guitar, piano, or violin, or all three. Can you tell I'm a frustrated wannabe rock and roll star?

3. A soft speaking voice. Seems contrary to #2 but not really. Interestingly enough, even though I perceive my speaking voice to be loud and obnoxious, no one ever seems to hear what I say.

4. Straight hair. I would so love to have one of those cute, sassy haircuts (think Helen Mirin) that are so popular and EASY. But my hair has gotten so damned curly (read: frizzy) in the past few years anything shorter than my shoulders turns into an afro.

5. A comfortable smile. I always feel goofy and self conscious when I smile.

6. Better organizational skills. My god I work three days a week, and I still never get anything done!

7. More room. I know, I know. Just more to clean. But I swear to god, I have dreams for god sake, about discovering a whole 'nother room in my house, or wing of rooms, waiting for me to "decorate" ie fill with more clutter. Maybe I should re-think this one.

8. The perfect pair of black boots.

9. A time machine. You know, have the ability to go back and fire off the perfect retort to any number of insults. Take back stupid things I've said. Wear sunscreen. Take advantage of opportunities I passed up for which I constantly kick myself now. I could write a whole 'nother essay on this subject alone. Maybe I will.

10. I re-thought #7. I'll settle for more closet space. I live in a three bedroom, 1 3/4 bath 1100 sq. ft. tract house, built in 1965, back when the closets were these 8'long sliding door jobs. My husband's clothes take up the one in our bedroom. My clothes share space in the guest/sewing room, with all my quilting shit. Needless to say its a pain in the ass whenever we have guests. I won't even go into lack of storage space in the rest of the house.

* ok, I just vacuumed. I guilted myself into it. But I didn't do a very good job. And I didn't dust.